I can’t decide if I want to be Doris Kearns Goodwin or Carrie Fisher or Amy Poehler when I grow up. Or, perhaps a little of all three. I’m not feeling comfortable in my own skin right now but they’ve all offered something that I’ve been able to connect with. Ms. Goodwin and her knowledge and grace, Ms. Fisher with her humor and honesty and Ms. Poehler who apparently taps into my inner most thoughts.
On my vision wall I have a piece of paper torn from an envelope where I scribbled the words…be more like Doris Kearns Goodwin. She was on the Daily Show or Meet the Press, one of those shows, and the way she spoke and carried herself in the debate made me want to be more like her. I’m often clunky and trip over anything and everything both physically and verbally. I want to sit in a room with really smart people and discuss history, politics and with an acerbic response as needed.
On twitter I try to be funny or quirky and often fail in this attempt. I get a retweet or two from time to time but what’s funny in my head usually doesn’t thrive within 140 characters. I’m the queen of retweeting others with humor. Maybe I keep hoping some of that will filter onto my feed and into my brain. Or maybe I just want to be popular. Yep, that’s probably it. And popular for being smart and funny and charming, of course. Not for stumbling on a sidewalk and my dress goes over my head revealing my white granny panties. Because THAT’s never ever happened to me. (And let’s say that, if it did, it was way before social media.) My point is that if I’m going to open and honest about wanting to be famous, I want it to be for something substantial so that my true desire for wanting to be famous is overshadowed by my intellectual and humorous depth. (I kept typing intellectual incorrectly in the last sentence. #honesty)
I am trying to be myself but I find it helpful to
idolize look to others for inspiration. I’m in the middle of the audiobook of Yes, Please by Amy Poehler. As I was hiking the Memorial Park Trails today I listened to the book and it was as if Amy was speaking my exact thoughts, only in audiobook form that she wrote and recorded. And she seems much better at getting my thoughts out there. So if you want to know how I’m feeling these days, go listen or read Yes, Please.
What struck me most about Amy’s book was the preface about the reality of writing. When I lived in Los Angeles I would sit at a coffee house with others and work on my screenplay. Hello?! It’s Los Angeles, it’s required. But mostly I would write in my journal and whine about how I would never be a writer. I never finished my screenplay. See section above about wanting to be famous. Yes, I was a poser. That’s only mostly true. Part of me deep down wanted to write. For real, write words that meant something. I’m still working on it but I spend less time at Starbucks and more time writing between letting my dog in and out. All day with that one – in and out in and out.
While I am going to be myself (because that’s all we can really do), I’ll still try to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk, be a little funnier and try to figure out how Amy Poehler reads minds.
Today’s Hipstamatic Image
Hiking 3 miles